Breathe with me...
Breath is the foundation of a healthy, embodied, self-regulating state. Conscious connection to the breath (noticing how you are breathing and where you are breathing in your body) is like an automatic switch for the nervous system to relax and slow down. Just take a moment now to notice your breath: is it shallow and up in your chest, perhaps you were even holding your breath without realising? Does your chest feel tight or open, are your shoulders and back hunched? What's going on in your jaw?
The deeper you breathe the deeper you feel. If your breathing is restricted your capacity for feeling your body is limited. Most of the clients I see come to me with this restriction around their breath. Existing in a 'fight or flight' state in the body, their breathing is restricted to the absolute lowest necessity for basic function and survival. They are walking around in a perpetual state of disconnection from pleasurable, subtle or soft sensations - but also blocking out 'painful' warning signs of damage or distress.
Negative habitual patterns develop in your body from a very young age. These tensions are unconsciously adapted and create inefficient movement patterns of poor posture and limited diaphragm use during breathing. Emotionally you may have learnt to close down and clam up in 'unsafe' or stressful situations; the shoulders fall inwards, the upper back becomes hunched and breathing becomes shallow in order to limit painful feelings. You learn to not take up too much space, to not draw attention to yourself, to literally use up as little air as you can. I see this in my clients' breathing patterns, in their body posture and also in the way they speak: voices tight and coming from the throat, rather than supported by the belly and deep, even breathing.
Changing the habits...
When you begin to consciously connect with your breath and breathe slower and deeper, (recruiting the diaphragm and expanding from the belly rather than contracting muscles in the neck and upper ribs), you can actually shift your brain activity from functional Beta waves into the more relaxed Alpha state. When you combine this with soft, sensual touch and connection to your sexual energy - during a self-pleasuring practice or partnered sex - you begin to feel the quieter, subtler sounds and sensations of the body.
These sensations are not 'new'; they were there all along. Slowing down the breath, becoming more present in the body and the moment, just clears away some of the 'white noise' that was preventing them from being experienced. Being able to come back to this more open and receptive state during sex, masturbation and intimacy with a partner, by practicing this deeper breath, can create deep states of connection and more full-body orgasmic experiences.
A simple breath exercise...
This is an expansion of a very simple breath exercise I often use at the beginning of a session. It draws the awareness to the breath, moving away from the distraction of the chattering mind, and gives an anchor to come back to when the mind (inevitably) does drift back in.
You can do this lying down (on your back is best, with your hands lightly resting on your belly), or you can sit with your back supported against a wall or chair.
- Gently close your eyes and allow your attention to settle on the movement of your inhale, and your exhale. Notice how the nostrils flare a little on the inhale, and the feeling of the air flowing over your top lip as you exhale.
- Allow the exhale to become a little longer than the inhale: breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds, trying to allow the hands on your belly to rise as you breathe deeply into the body, then exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds.
- Really allow ALL your breath to leave your body - it might create sound from your throat towards the end, that's good.
- Allow your jaw to soften, feel a little gap between your teeth.
- There's nothing else you need to do. Just allow the breath to move in and out to the same count, inhaling so your belly rises and exhaling until it's all gone.
Try this for 5-10 minutes each day as a focussed practice and you may find that you begin to feel your body in a different way. You might begin to notice 'new' or subtler sensations, finding it easier to allow your muscles to soften and to let go of tension. You may find that you experience bubbles of emotion rising in your body for seemingly no reason. That's really, really normal!
Just stay with the breath and allow whatever arises to just be there. You may also notice that you become more aware of your breath in the rest of your day-to-day life. When you're feeling anxious or stressed, just notice how and where you're breathing then try coming back to that practice of filling the belly and exhaling a little longer than your inhale.
And remember, breathing happens whether you focus on it or not. That's the wonderful thing about it - it's always there! Drawing the awareness to it on a regular basis though will ultimately create healthier patterns and habits to support you in diving deeper into your body: forming a strong and stable foundation from which to explore your capacity for sensation and pleasure.
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